Musings on Age & Stage of Life: Middle 50's & The Rise of Crafting

For me, these years of the 50’s has brought a lot of change. My family structure has had a massive shift with the passing of our matriarch, my mom. She died five years ago and wow did life sure change after that. Her passing was marked by 10 years of fighting, and I do mean epic warrior-style fighting, breast cancer. Damn, she gave it her all.

Her body was so worn by the end, when the doctor delivered the news that there was nothing more to try she did the natural thing for her: She took all of us to Iceland to celebrate her 70th birthday and my parents 50 anniversary. She was sick as could be, vomiting in line at security, but they cleared her to travel. I think she gave the paramedics a stare down like none other and they knew the right thing to do after all her vitals were stable and she was given a green light to go. So, I put her into a wheel chair and rolled up to the gate like nothing happened and we were off. Iceland was a bittersweet trip. All of us together, me and my kids, my sister and her family and my folks. We could all see the writing on the wall though she never said it. She just held it. One day we traveled to special hot springs well known in the area. As we all met in the pools and were laughing and joking around, I watched my mom watching us from a distance. I could feel her sadness, I am quite sure she was imagining what our family would look like without her. We came home from that trip in July and my mom passed during the thinned veils of early November. She passed at home. Her wishes were honored having asked for little intervention, which included hospice. She left her body in the morning hour, by the fire. My sister was making pancakes in the kitchen, trying to do something supportive during these moments and I sat in front of my mom, watching her last of labored breaths. I bathed her, adorned her with flowers and stones and my 15 year old daughter who stayed right by my side the entire time read from a small book my mom loved written by His Holiness The Dalai Lama.

My father has never recovered.

His aging story looks very different. I will write more about it someday, but for now it is still happening and I am honoring the process as best as I can. We are engaged with the ugly monster rearing it’s slimy and twisted head known as cognitive decline wrapped in the wet and very heavy blanket of grief. It feels hard and overwhelming, sad and frustrating. The picture looks different than I could have ever imagined. I feel the ground of instability under me. This ground keeps asking me to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. They show me my edges and say “look, look into this space here”. The space they are referring to is dark for me. I cannot see light other than the timeless advice that repeats in my mind like a mantra sometimes ..this will pass, this will pass, this will pass.

Menopause has changed me. Notably so is the ever important and mysterious suit I have worn that I will call bandwidth. As many of you know, I have things to say about bandwidth. And for more on that read any article I have written about menopause, healing and just about everything else. For me, I have noticed over the years that my bandwidth has developed a different directional path. They laugh at me when I think it would be a good idea to balance the many, many plates of pre menopausal life. Single parenting, graduate school, starting a business, healing from a very hard divorce, aging parents, financial instability etc..etc..They say NO WAY Danielle. Orient differently. OK OK, I say. Will you show me how?

And they have. And they do.

And it continues. Over and over again because change is hard and there are some deep patterns in me that want to try and say anything different. But, something is for sure, I am good student. So I keep learning.

One of the things I am working on getting more consistent with is crafting. With this stage of life comes a different organization of time for me. It has been a really hard thing to understand having spent so many years of life in the above mentioned ways of pre-menopause. But I find it important and necessary to ground some of the anxious and worrisome signature of the times. While I find processing the energy of the air element in talking and talk therapy helpful some, I find it can overstimulate the pathways of my brain if I do too much. I am also trying to be led by whole body learning and moving away from so much “brain thinking”. Using the important Ayurvedic concept of like increases like and opposites balance as strong guidance I have been seeking ways of working on my bandwidth, anxiety and shifting through the grounding of the earth in activities that require me to be still, get into the rhythm and signature of focus and participate. I love working with elements of the earth like clay, natural woolins, plants and threads. They help me quite a bit, guiding me in their innate wisdom and comfort. My hands are busy, my mind is connected, my breath finds the rhythm and my body is relatively still. This fusion creates a deep well our nourishment and support especially when I repeat it often. It’s giving me the blueprint of a different way of being for a different way of living that is well aligned for this age and stage of my life.

When I pair crafting with community is also has an incredible impact. We sit around, hands with earth, earth with hearts and all with each other as we craft. We talk without looking at each other but through this process we can really see one another. They also share their skills with me. They are wise and lay a beautiful blanket of invitation to sit down and learn. And there is also silence. It’s a kind of silence that is held with a common sentiment that threads us together. I have read and heard stories about circles of women gathering to craft for as long as we can know and far beyond that. I imagine that these circles will serve me well as I continue to age. They feel wise and connective and essential for the life ahead.

So crafting and community have risen in my mind and heart as wise medicine and smart action towards a different way of being and a step towards a model of a different world to be in.